Something is missing.
Everything is where it needs to be, but something is wrong. It's complicated. has no meaning. You can't put your finger on it, but something is missing deep within you. And by Catherine Coldstream, in her new memoir, Cloistered, finding what's missing may give you some peace for a while.
Coldstream was just 24 when his father died.
He was her rock and compass. He had raised her with the help of her sister in her old age, and his kind and forgiving presence had soothed her. But then Ms. Coldstream's aunt died of cancer, and her father died soon after, leaving Ms. Coldstream “adrift.” She could find little solace in either loss until she encountered a Dominican nun during her travels late one summer.
“Was her pale glow calling to me?” Coldstream wondered.
Hoping that life as a nun might bring her closer to heaven, she began exploring the idea by visiting “contemplative convents” and “more lively and sociable” places in London, before becoming a “radical.” He settled on the ancient Carmelite church. Still, nothing seemed to fit exactly what her soul needed or wanted. She needed order. She wanted something more Spartan, more strict.
When someone mentioned Akenside Priority, she knew she was called.
So Coldstream embraces life as the Bride of Christ, a life in a cold cell full of silence, peace, and secrecy that whispers to her every time she enters. She learned where to speak, the order in which to enter a room with others, and how to eat “Little Jug,” the morning meal of bread and tea. She learned how to pray by kneeling on a small chair. How does she dress up with yards of fabric? and how to bring in visitors through a series of bars called the Grill, where conversation is allowed but physical contact is prohibited.
And Sister Catherine was happy until two sisters from another community were allowed to move in and take over. Although she was happy, she began to wonder if she could endure much longer in her calling.
Looking for juicy gossip and even scandalous stuff? Then you're in the wrong book, absolutely. Sure, there's a bit of drama towards the end of Cloistered, but most of the book is quietly contemplative.
Or you can call it slow, because there is no rush in “life”. Author Coldstream writes about days that begin before dawn and include very regular hours, chores, lean eating, prayer, silence, and more worship. Her three parts in the second half should tell readers most of what they need to know about the Coldstream story. Despite living with her 19 other women, she says she feels devastated and sometimes alone. It is a life full of joy, but it is also a life of scarcity. She feels not only a sense of belonging, but also a desperate need to escape.
Readers looking for a flashy memoir will be sorely disappointed with “Cloisterd.'' Because it's far from flash. On the contrary, readers who can appreciate the speculative aspects of this book will not want to miss it.