Search for the term “tradwife” on TikTok and you'll find thousands of videos hand-picked by creators like the 26-year-old. Estee Williams Also known as Hannah Neeleman, from Richmond, Virginia. ballerina farmis a Utah farmer who shares cooking and home cooking videos and has amassed 7 million followers. The video features a softer living aesthetic, with modern women baking bread in 50s housewife aprons and arranging flowers with full makeup and perfectly styled hair.
content teeth attractive.Williams' TikTok has received 1.3 million likes across her videos. Promote the benefits of having your partner take care of you.In that sense, I was also a trade housewife. Through 12 years of marriage.
The life of a trad wife is a slippery slope
During our first marriage in our early twenties, my husband and I managed to get by, living the best life we could, with three young children in tow. Eventually we divorced, I became a single mom, and more turmoil followed. I was always one step behind, stressed, overworked and underemployed.
When I became pregnant with my youngest, my older children were in public school, but my “older maternal age” and medical history made the pregnancy high-risk. We agreed that I should quit my job. So I did so and immediately started nesting.
I started creating the white picket fence life I wanted. I also started homeschooling. If you're going to be home all day anyway, why wouldn't you? I've become an expert at posting craft ideas, meal planning, and home decor on Pinterest.
In 2019, I started working from home here and there, taking on ghostwriting and freelance work, but the money didn't contribute to the household income at all. I leave everything related to running the house to my husband. He's a CPA and financial advisor by trade, so why should I “worry about my little head” about it? If I had asked, he probably would have shared more details. But neither of us thought much about it and things worked out for a while.
A short-term intensive course to become an adult
After the divorce hearing, I walked out of the local courthouse as a homeowner and took over my parents' home, but luckily I didn't notice the repercussions.
Suddenly, I was solely responsible for home maintenance, utilities, property taxes, and homeowners insurance. I took a crash course on becoming an adult. My house needed proper pressure washing and I also received an HOA violation letter. Of course it happened. My husband hasn't lived there for almost a year. A patch of lichen had permanently taken up residence in my mailbox.
HOA and amenity fees were paid immediately. Sprinklers had to be programmed. Naturally, water charges will rise accordingly. You will need to schedule and pay a lawn care professional (mulch does not spread on its own). I also quickly realized that I should start budgeting for a sinking fund for the property taxes I would be paying after the holidays.
My ex-husband and I just fell into traditional gender roles. It was easier than trying. When he moved, he struggled to run the air fryer, order delivery on his cell phone, and shop at the grocery store. I wasn't necessarily serious over the years, but I certainly wasn't as active as I could have been.
The importance of taking an active role in finance
Shari Rush is the founder and financial advisor of. GWA wealth. “I talk to women all the time in social circles, mom groups, etc., and when I ask them what I do for a living, their response is, 'Oh, my husband does it all.' '' she told HuffPost.
Rush said it's often a significant event that prompts a person to take action or become actively involved in managing their finances. Usually, this event tends to be negative. Perhaps the death of a parent, job loss, divorce, death of a spouse, or even witnessing one of these events happen to someone close to you.
according to bank of america report, 94% of women believe they will be personally responsible for their finances at some point in their lives, but are less involved in long-term financial decisions than their partner. The report found that nearly half of the 3,500 women surveyed said they were confident in their financial situation, but only a minority felt empowered to take action on it. It is said to be 28%.
Rush encourages women to take an active role in the household finances, whether they work outside the home or not. “That doesn't mean tracking the stock market every day or day-trading your account. It means knowing what your family has and being able to participate in the conversation,” she says. said.
Thinking about money begins in childhood.
Parents' hands-off approach to household finances has greater influence within the family unit.
“Children are like little sponges, absorbing every detail of our actions, especially when it comes to relationships and money,” says the CPA. maya kovic Said. “They shape the way we think about money by observing how we interact with money and each other. Everything they see, hear, and feel is their 'normal.' will be recognized. ”
Kovic's goal is to teach all children how to become financially independent adults. “Many mothers who attend my parent workshops share stories about how their upbringing has influenced their financial mindset,” she said. “For example, some people believe that only men handle investing because they grew up in a household where only the father made financial decisions. Because of this, women should not be involved in financial matters. , the idea that women must rely on men for their financial security persists.”
Kovic urges parents to be aware of the messages they are sending to their children and to “consciously model healthy financial behaviors and empower them to develop informed and balanced relationships with money.” is advising.
One way to do this is to take time each month to review your finances, discuss your spending habits, and prioritize your savings.
“Regular 'money dates' are the foundation of financial harmony,” Kovich told HuffPost, stressing the importance of promoting transparency within the family and intentionally discussing finances. He added that he is doing so.
The first step to raising awareness about household finances
Rush recommends that people who are financially dependent on their partners get down to business right away. But this doesn't just apply to people who fall into traditional gender roles in relationships. All adults who live with a partner can benefit from increased financial awareness. Important topics to discuss with your partner include:
- personal or joint debt
- Money available for savings and investment
- Home loan balance and housing equity
- Total monthly household expenses
- Availability of emergency funds
Rush offers the following suggestions for couples who use the services of a financial advisor: Start by asking yourself the following questions:
- If you became the sole financial decision maker for your household overnight, do you know who your financial contacts are?
- If I have contact information, can I talk to you?
- Do you know what accounts your spouse or partner has?
- Which company issues your life insurance policy?
“If you can't answer these questions, it may mean you need to take steps and get involved to protect yourself,” Rush says.
I still have a long way to go, but with each new experience I gain the financial confidence and self-esteem I lacked while living the trade housewife lifestyle. I have an upcoming appointment with a CPA, have opened an investment account, and have started paying more attention to my retirement accounts. And most importantly, I have gained skills, knowledge, and wisdom that I can now share with my children to help them take care of their finances. futures.