Mother's Day is more than just buying cards and gifts. It's about recognizing the unique bond between mothers and their children, and all the connections between mothers. But for some, this holiday can be a painful reminder of loss, grief, or complicated relationships. If you find yourself dreading the second Sunday in May (or even the days leading up to it), know that you're not alone in your struggles.
Rebecca Soffer, author of The Modern Loss Handbook, understands the challenge. Having lost both her mother and father, Soffer has first-hand experience navigating the complexities of grief. In her interview with Today, she offered insight and coping strategies for those finding this holiday difficult.
Talk to “friends of sadness”
Soffer suggests finding someone who has experienced a similar loss and can offer support and understanding. Joining a community of people who have faced the death of a parent provides a sense of connection and validation. For example, the Modern Loss community holds international gift exchanges before trigger holidays such as Mother's Day, creating a space for people to support each other.
expect the unexpected
Grief is not a linear process and waves of emotions can come unexpectedly. Soffer emphasizes the importance of being patient with yourself during this time.
“I want to be very clear to everyone: If it feels like a trigger to you, it really is. I want to sit down with you, respect it, examine it, and make it feel better for you.” It's worth thinking about what we can do,” he told NPR. .
In her book, she offers tips for enduring “grief milestones,” including achieving one of your mother's goals, making your mother's favorite food, and buying a gift that you can keep on hand or donate. doing.
consider treatment options
Therapy can be a scary first step, but in The Modern Loss Handbook, Soffer explains how to find the right therapist for you, including questions to ask before you start and how to find the right form of treatment. We offer tips about.
be kind to yourself
Above all, Soffer emphasizes the importance of being patient with yourself. “Everything is unexpected,” she told Today, acknowledging that it's impossible to predict how Mother's Day will affect each individual. It's good to have plans, but she recommends giving yourself permission to call them off if you need to.
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