My time at North Star is slowly coming to an end.
Although I have worked my way up from a lowly employee to the editor-in-chief, I feel that my era has just begun.
This article was supposed to be a review of Adrian Lenker's new album, but I couldn't stop listening to the second song on the album, “Sadness As A Gift.”
This song is folky, weird, and simple, which is one of my favorite pieces of music, but it's also infinitely complex.
Star turns out to be a similar beast.
Sometimes my job is as simple as writing about a song. But sometimes I see more than that in my work. I look at all the people I work with – editors, photographers, copy editors, writers, videographers, advisors – and stop to admire the strange collection of people we have created as a group. Have to.
I'm currently one of the longest-tenured members of the staff, and I'm starting to show my age.
I'm referring to “Legend of the Star” moments, moments that no one within Star remembers. I'm a story keeper at an institution best known for telling stories.
Although I matured in Star, I often felt like my place was still immature.
He is becoming a star old man. I often say cringy things when I think back to the good old days, but I hope that's what remains in my head.
As Lenker says, “And the old man strikes his crooked cane / It's time to let it go.”
As my final semester draws to a close, I am always reminded of all that I have learned. Shout out to my first editor – Daija – and the editor-in-chief who inspired me to run and mentored me during my term in charge – Maddy, if you’re still reading, we I appreciate you and I miss you. Sarah, my assistant editor and the person tasked with making it look like I knew what I was doing all this time, I appreciate you more than you know. You're going to do great things, kid.
Many of the current staff may not remember the people who were the pillars of my time at Star, and in a few years, I may be forgotten even sooner.
And I made peace with that.
Right now I'm more particular about one thing than the other.
As many long nights I've struggled through and editorials I've fought to get through, and I feel very sorry for former editor-in-chief Brett Fox, I've never loved this place more than any other place I've ever loved. I loved it more than my works. 22 years is a long time on this earth.
Most of all, I am filled with sadness because there are less than two months left until I leave the place I love.
But this sadness is also good. Although I may not want to admit it.
Like a child who loses their first pet, this heartache that secretly grows until I graduate on May 11 is something I can use to become the most human person I can be.
As Stephen Colbert summed up the great J.R.R. Tolkien, “What is God's punishment but a gift?”
Here I have to go back to Lenker's wise words and repeat to myself, “We can see grief as a gift.”
Even if it makes me sad to see the newspaper in my rearview mirror now, I will forever be grateful for my little university newspaper and the gift it gave me.
Lenker ends this song with the line, “Seasons go by so fast/I thought this would last/Maybe I asked too many questions,” just as I would end this “review.” .