Dear Abby
Lifestyle
Dear Abby examines a woman's relationship with her friend from seventh grade and a mailman with a lazy husband.
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Dear Abby: A month ago, I reconnected with a woman I've known since 7th grade named “Fran.” We are both divorced (I'm 20, Fran is 4), have adult children, and live 90 minutes away. We spent hours talking on the phone and spent two weekends together. Although we were emotionally very close, we did not have a sexual relationship by choice so as not to distort the “purity” of our relationship.
My problem is that Fran has a large, energetic dog that roams freely around the house (and bed). “Goliath” travels with me almost everywhere I go, including when he visits me.
Goliath is friendly and really likes me, but I don't have any pets and I don't mind my girlfriend's dog jumping on the furniture or sleeping with me in my bed. She thinks it's cute, but Goliath sheds black fur everywhere, including my bed (I have white bed linen, so the contrast makes it even more obvious).
I care deeply about Fran and will probably have an exclusive and meaningful relationship with her for a long time. But I don't want her dog to be the reason for her anger or dissatisfaction. How can Goliath politely “enforce” limits on her beloved pet without potentially causing friction between us over “just being a dog”? vacuum again
To everyone who vacuums: A way to “gently enforce” restrictions in your home is to have the conversation you were afraid to have with Fran when she and Goliath first visit. Tell her that you love her, but that you're not as much of a dog person as she is, and that you're not comfortable with her Goliath sharing a bed with her. . (Note that I'm not telling you to jump on the couch, as you may have to make compromises.)
Dear Abby: My husband and I have been together for three years. During that time, he refused to step up. He is late for work 90% of the time, and sometimes does not show up at all. He was fired for his actions. He does what he wants without caring about others, but he says he feels bad about hurting people by doing so.
I do a lot for him but I feel like he doesn't appreciate or acknowledge anything. He realizes he needs to step up, but he refuses to try. He bought me earrings for Christmas. The earrings were cute, but I don't have any piercings, so I think this is something I should know about after 3 years. Is it wrong to want to give back and stop trying? — Tired in Utah
To everyone who is tired Let me say this. You are wrong for not telling your girlfriend's husband of three years that you are tired of her husband not doing his part, of her self-centeredness and lack of appreciation for you. . Express those feelings. I'm glad she didn't have any children with him. If he doesn't start to change his mind, start “rethinking” your marriage, unless this is what you want in your future.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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