“AITA who gave the wedding guests a dress code?”
I (F29) are getting married to my partner (M30) and we are planning a fantasy/renaissance themed wedding. We love fandoms such as books, video games, movies, and comics, and we actually met at Renfair and wanted to make that a part of our wedding.
We discussed it with our close friends and everyone thought it was a great idea. So we included an invitation and a letter explaining why we wanted a themed wedding and examples of what we wanted people to wear (Google Ren Faire if you want to see it).
Includes photos, instructions, and budget categories from how to make your own costumes using old or recycled clothes to how to buy something directly online. We also asked them to contact us with any concerns so that we can resolve any issues.
I received several messages from close friends saying they heard me and some of my partner's family members refer to me as Bridezilla. They said we were being unreasonable, this was ridiculous, they didn't want to go if I was going to get dressed and make a fuss.
I am especially upset as I am a soon to be MIL (F59) and SIL (F26). After their names came up, I contacted them and was told that they were ruining what should have been a happy day by asking people to dress up like idiots. They said everyone should be allowed to wear what they feel comfortable in, and I'm very in control. Many people say that their partner doesn't listen to them.
I'm pretty hurt by all of this. We expected people to react this way if we said everyone had to go out and spend hundreds of dollars on costumes, but we went out of our way to post photos and create as many very low-budget costumes as possible. Suggested options. Honestly, I didn't think it was a big deal, but now I'm having second thoughts about the whole wedding theme idea. am i an ahole?
edit:
We want someone to send us an invitation or buy us a wedding gift we didn't expect, and we'd rather keep that money for ourselves or spend it on our own outfits. Masu. One of the “low-budget options” was a regular floral spring/summer dress that many people already owned, with additions like flower crowns and belts.
It went up from there. More masculine options included linen shirts with fabric wrapped around the waist or belt. It's pretty conservative and I'm not too strict about it, but no cocktail dresses or bodycon dresses, formal suits and ties, etc.
I would also like to add that other than our SIL and MIL, none of our closest family and friends have complained and several have said they are looking forward to it. That's more true for cousins, aunts and uncles, or friends at that level, but they also don't directly contact us with their concerns, we just hear it through the grapevine. That's what I'm doing.
Here's what the top commenters said about this:
MindingUrBusiness17 Said:
National Tax Agency. People always give dress codes to weddings. Yes, it's weird for people who aren't part of the community. I'm not into dressing up or “nerdy” interests, but if someone I care about wants a themed wedding photo, that's fine, I'll go along with that theme. Masu.
I know someone who got married on Halloween. Did you want to wear a costume to your wedding? No. Was it? yes. Unless someone is expecting me to drop hundreds of dollars on a one-time costume, I do my best to support their dream day. I say do what you want because I think all weddings can be a stupid waste of money. Sounds fun.
91901bbaa13d40128f7d Said:
NTA But I hate this kind of nonsense, so I politely decline to attend your wedding. So please note that this is not something everyone wants to be a part of.
internal_progress 404 Said:
A themed wedding like that is fine as long as it's optional. Most of those people will never wear those clothes again. While it's great to include low-budget options, thrifting and making costumes can be time consuming and can cost you a lot in either time or money. You can choose your wedding theme, but wearing a costume is optional. Soft YTA that makes guests uncomfortable.
driving disposable Said:
Y.T.A. But removing an overly demanding dress code doesn't mean you can't have a themed wedding. Please remember that there is no dress code at *Ren Fair*. People can wear full regalia, modern clothing, or Star Trek uniforms. It's still on theme and it's still fun.
Send a follow-up invitation to make it clear that dressing up is encouraged but not required at all, and of course that everyone is welcome to wear whatever is appropriate for the semi-formal/garden party/time/venue. I'll make it.
Throw a big wedding party and let everyone participate. They could be the equivalent of L'Enfaire performers, as opposed to patrons (guests are patrons, and they can wear whatever they like). That way, a significant number of people will be able to accomplish the theme.
If your guests want to join in on the fun, have a rack of cloaks, hats, flower crowns, fairy wings, etc. ready to grab when they arrive. Flower crowns are a particularly good idea because they go well with regular dresses and don't look too silly.
LadyCass79 Said:
Mild YTA. Host a themed wedding party. Invite your guests to participate if they wish. Otherwise, standard wedding guest attire is also permitted. It's more reasonable and allows guests to use dressy clothes they already own if needed. Guests often have already spent a lot of money on gifts. If you don't have any interest in it, it's not appealing to have to buy special clothes that you have no use for. I say this as a geek who had a gaming themed wedding.
Hungry Industry-9817 Said:
NTA themed weddings are fun. We have provided budget friendly options. I've seen a lot of themed weddings like this and it's really fun. I don't understand why I can't just go with the flow, even though it's only been one day. They also have the option of not going.
fish mama 5 Said:
To be honest, I'm a huge nerd just like you, OP, and I'm sorry to say YTA.Fair-themed weddings sound great, but you need to dress up option. It sounds like your family is normal and uncomfortable with the idea. I think the reason you don't want guests to leave is because you want to continue the relationship. Honestly, it's an easy fix. Please send an email and specify that the dress code is optional, but that you would like to see everyone in their best dresses. Those who enjoy it will do so, and the rest of us can endure a bunch of nerds for a few hours.
Careless ability-748 Said:
No, it's your wedding, so my default is, it's your decision. Personally, I will not participate. I'm not interested in making costumes by hand. Especially since I have no intention of ever wearing that outfit again and it would be totally uncomfortable to wear something like that to a wedding. That's a lot of work.
AdFinancial8924 Said:
Soft YTA depends on how strictly you treat it. If you're a regular guest at a wedding, you don't really have time to go shopping for a special outfit, but I think it's a good idea to have a theme and let your guests know. For example, you don't want someone to show up in a sequined cocktail dress, but that's okay. But if you have one, can you wear a regular floral dress? It kind of fits your theme, but it's not on your list.
Opinions were pretty divided on this, but most people weren't on OP's side. What is your advice to this bride?
©Copyright 2024 Someecards, Inc.