Photo illustration: The Cut, Photo: Getty Images
Six months after her December release, Gypsy Rose Blanchard is sharing the joys of DIY energy drinks. In a TikTok video posted earlier this week, the 32-year-old detailed a step-by-step process for the four-ingredient drink she made during her seven-year sentence. “We don't have access to Red Bull in prison, so a lot of times everyone in prison makes this,” Blanchard said, adding that the energy drink “gives you wings.” Celsius' marketing executive is trembling.
In the video, Blanchard, who is about to get divorced, walked her 9.8 million TikTok followers through the ingredients list, which included a bag of Jolly Ranchers, a single Kool-Aid Tropical Punch, strawberry Fanta, and Folgers instant coffee. At this point, I would have opted for plain Folgers and milk, but who am I to stifle the creativity of a budding memoirist? So, step one: crush the Jolly Ranchers. Blanchard says this step is “pretty important” because it “adds to the fruity flavor.” Does it also increase the choking hazard?
Blanchard explains why she chose Tropical Punch Kool-Aid, noting that “any other flavor would just be really nasty.” Indeed, sharkberry or blue raspberry would kill the taste of this mocktail. As for appearance, she recommends drinking it in a cup with ice. “Don't try to drink this warm, it's totally nasty,” she warns. “I know what you're all thinking. Very disgustingright? But I didn't like it at first, but I gradually grew to like it.”
Given the number of gasoline-like ingredients in regular energy drinks, upon further investigation, Blanchard says she's surprised that Gypsy Rose's homemade Red Bull might be less of a worry than the regular grocery store variety. Though she can't personally vouch for the taste, Blanchard says she still drinks the masterpiece. Plus, her kids have decided it's fine.