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Despite having a full-time relationship job and caring for her 6-year-old son Chase and 3-year-old daughter Millie, Anne Hermes often feels isolated and alone.
lindsay hutchinson
Anne Hermes is pictured with her son Chase (right) and daughter Millie (left).
“I work from home, and when I have video conferences or calls with employees, I'm focused on the topic at hand. There's not a lot of personal interaction like, 'How are you doing?' How is your family? ” said Hermes, 36, of Powell, Ohio.
“Working from home has clear advantages: you can avoid commuting, which eats into the time you can spend with your children and husband in the evenings,” she said. “But some days, the conversations I have with my dog are the most personal.”
Many parents today find their ability to connect with other adults challenging in raising children, according to a new national survey released Wednesday by The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center in Columbus.
In fact, 66% of the 1,005 parents surveyed felt that the demands of childcare sometimes or frequently made them feel isolated and lonely, and nearly 40% felt supported in their parenting role. I felt like there was no one to help me.
“I'm a mother of four children,” said Kate Gaulick, an associate clinical professor at the Ohio State University College of Nursing in Columbus, who conducted the study.
“My life is incredibly busy,” she said. “But staying busy doesn't replace the need for friendships and more intimate conversations with others who share your interests.”
Approximately 62% of participants The survey found that many people felt burned out by their responsibilities as parents. Casey Cardwell, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Atlanta, said this makes sense because loneliness and isolation are closely associated with burnout. He is also a clinical fellow with the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.
“When parents feel lonely and isolated, it's a sign that their adult needs aren't being met because they're giving everything they can to their children. That's a recipe for burnout.” said Cardwell, who was not involved in the study.
By definition, burnout is an overwhelming feeling of fatigue, Gawlik said.
“Burnout is nothing new for parents, but I think the pandemic has taken it to a whole different level,” she added. “We were expected to be superhumans, working tirelessly and homeschooling our children.”
Hermes was pregnant with her daughter when the pandemic began. Before long, her husband was furloughed from work, leaving her son with no day care.
“We had to be frugal,” she said. “And because I was pregnant during the pandemic, I had to be very careful about my own infection, and my interactions with others were pretty limited.”
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Don't let burnout take hold, experts say. Please ask for help.
Like many other parents, Hermes worked in an office before the pandemic and was used to the social interactions that often occur in the community.
“When I saw people in the break room, walking down the hallway, between meetings, after meetings, I immediately grabbed them and started talking about what was going on in our lives,” she said. Told.
Still, Hermes said she couldn't overcome the sense of isolation that parenting sometimes brings, especially when her children are experiencing age-appropriate challenges that embarrass her and her husband.
“My husband is a great guy, but I needed to hear from another mother,” she said. “My best friend's kids were much older and I didn't know anyone who had kids my age.
“It's easy to feel alone, as if you're facing something all by yourself.”
Research shows that nearly four in five parents value ways to connect with other parents outside of work and home. However, many parents may still be reluctant to admit their feelings of isolation or loneliness for fear of seeming like they don't care about their child.
Don't think that way, Gawlik stressed.
“Have you ever been in a room full of people and felt alone and unable to connect with anyone?” she said. “It's the same with parenting. You're definitely connected to your children, but it's a parent-child connection, not a friend-to-friend, family-to-family, spouse-to-spouse connection.”
Cardwell said networking with other parents should be a top priority for parents who are feeling isolated or burnt out.
“I always recommend looking for connections in your immediate community, with people who live nearby,” she said. “You may also find support in your neighborhood, such as walking buddies, craft buddies, carpools, and babysitters.
“Then you can try community organizations, parent organizations, school associations, churches, synagogues, etc.,” she added.
Cardwell said social media groups alone are not enough.
“It's one-dimensional It’s social engagement,” she said. “It's not a substitute for talking to people one-on-one, in a group of mothers, for example when you're with babies and toddlers of the same age. Children are all going through similar experiences, so mothers can We can share it and get support.”
Hermes attended a positive parenting group run by Gawlik and credits it with giving her new energy as a parent.
“It made me feel a lot less lonely,” she said. “When a parent shared that, I just nodded like, 'Yeah, I've been through the same thing here,' or 'Yes, I'm going through that right now.'” And that's exactly what happened. It was a verification thing. ”